CAST ALL YOUR CARES UPON GOD FOR HE CARES ABOUT YOU. – I Peter 5:7
I have been a pastor's kid my whole life. My parents are amazing and have done a great job at not making me feel like I have to be perfect because my dad gets behind the pulpit every Sunday. However, the title of "Pastor's Kid" still affected me a lot growing up. I was saved at the age of 5, and over the years I have rededicated my life and made promises to God that i definitely have not kept.
All throughout my elementary and junior high years I was what most would call a "goody goody." I lived for God and had a great relationship with Him. I had a conscience unlike any kid I have ever met. I would feel very guilty, if I did anything that could remotely be something wrong. My guilt caused a ton of anxiety in my life.
During my junior high years I was on fire for God. I went on my first missions trip to downtown Detroit, and I loved telling others about Christ. As I got older the rain started to pour. Friends joked a lot about how good I was all the time, but I was still trying to please God.
During my sophmore year of high school I tore a the muscle away from my right hip bone playing soccer and had to sit out for a whole season. I began to be angry all the time. I was angry because I could not play the game that I loved and consumed my life since I was four. I was, also, angry at God. My spiritual life began to decline rapidly. I did not talk to God anymore, and I had no desire to have anything to do with it all. I missed out on opportunities to play college soccer because of that injury, and its terrible timing in my life. Leading into my junior year I was not really living for God in any way. I went to church and put on a very fake smile to try and show everyone that I was just fine. Hiding behind my fake smile, as every pastor's kid learns to master, was a much different person. I was careless, and sin ran my life. I would sit in bed at night wanting to pray, but I just could not do it. I knew He could see right through everything, and I felt embarrassed and ashamed. People at church fell for the smile and nod, but I knew God did not. I have always been a leader in anything I do, and kids would talk to me about things they were struggling with in their lives all the time. Many times I would actually give kids advice on how to stop things that I was struggling with. I could help others but not myself. In all of these struggles I did not tell a soul. I could not get over the fact that I had a reputation of being a "perfect" pastor's kid, and I needed to keep it. Not telling anyone hurt me worse. Keeping everything bottled up inside is a terrible thing to do to yourself. I lived my life this way for a while, and I eventually began to learn how to be a little more open with people about my struggles. God has brought me a long way, but to know that He has so much more to show me excites me more than anything.
Ever since I was in high school I could not wait to go away for college and more specifically to go to Liberty University. I was completely set to attend Liberty this fall and have been planning to do so for years. After a soccer practice this last fall I was driving home, and God really laid something on my heart out of blue. For some reason I started thinking about Africa. I tossed around the idea of postponing college for a year and going away on a missions trip. My heart has always longed for mission work. A friend of mine went to Kenya with AIM and told me it was the best experience of his life. I looked at AIM, and I felt God really leading me in this direction. God truly made Himself so clear to me in my decison to go away for a year, and let Him use me. I am so thrilled that I was given this opportunity, and I know my life will be changed.
Over the last couple years there is a song I have come to love that asks beautiful questions about our amazing God to show how his love and holiness is truly incredible. I encourage you to listen to the song but, also, read the lyrics with it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVScvSBsm40
"… What do I know of this love?"
